Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
