...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
