You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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