Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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