Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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