Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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