My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
