I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
