i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
