he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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