went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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