so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
