Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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