sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Four minutes until I can fart!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
