listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
