We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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