she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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