haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
