he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Randomize
