You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
