Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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