none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
