Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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