Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
