I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
