so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
