just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
