is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
