This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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