with your own penis?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
