hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
