Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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