We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
