and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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