my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
