If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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