I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
