Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
