There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
