found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
