glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
