I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
