im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
