stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I just put wine in my tea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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