we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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