I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
