I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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