Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
