the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could fuck to npr.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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