I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
