Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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