There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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