and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
