I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't deserve a penis
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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